Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
