Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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