Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

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(513): View more from Ohio

Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

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(713): View more from Texas

she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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(805): View more from California

He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(313): View more from Michigan

We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us

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(303): View more from Colorado

According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again

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(609): View more from New Jersey

This ER has an aquarium in it!!!

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(718): View more from New York

You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.

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