Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
