Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!