There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.