I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.