On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.