I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
