Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
