How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
