she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
