You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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