just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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