final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
