Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
