Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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