Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
