I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
