batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
