And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
