so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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