She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
