hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
