so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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