I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
