If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
