you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
