Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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