I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
