you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
