i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
