I hate your face
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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