New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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