Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
