do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
