is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
