he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
