Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
