I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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