i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
