I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
