Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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