Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
