I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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