i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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