It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
