your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
