If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
last night I used snow as a chaser
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