I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They took my balls.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
