I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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