you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
