i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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