I looked at my own cervix.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
