my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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