3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there was a trapeze. enough said
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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