I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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