I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
