I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
