To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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