So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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