I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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