i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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