so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
