Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
