Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She bit a glass in half.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
