Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
one might say we're banned from that church
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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