My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.