the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.