Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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