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they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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