naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked