Your tits are I can't wait for
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
